Roast Chicken with Truffle Salt + Garlic Cauliflower Mash

No time for puns or jokes here. This bird is just too damn good.

Chicken Ingredients:
1 whole roasting chicken
2 tbsp truffle salt
1 fennel root (I don't know what the measurement is on this but it's one root)
1/2 stalk of celery
2 large red onion
1 lemon
Handful of herbs de Provence (or thyme as a po' man's substitute)
olive oil to rub the chicken
sea salt + pepper to taste
 
Preheat oven to 400F 
Cook at 400 for 1 hour, last 15 min turn on broiler to crisp the skin

One of the most important things I've learned in my late 20s is that roasting a chicken is nothing to be afraid of. I used to be extremely intimidated by the thought of tackling a whole bird, but really it is so much easier than I find it crazy that it took me this long to figure it out. I also have a crockpot and have slow cooked that sucker all day long, but I actually prefer roasting in the oven. You get the same tender, moist (yes, I said it) meat but you also get the crispy skin! 

After you discard the yucky bits and wash the bird, pat it dry so the oil and spices will stick. Now really, you can put whatever you want into the bird cavity. This time I had extra fennel so I shoved that into the bird's hole with celery, one of the onions (halved), the celery stalks and the lemon (squeezed and halved). After he was stuffed to the brim, I used a knife and some unflavored dental floss to suture the fatty little bird. Hopefully you will have some more legit tools to use, but if you don't - dental floss works wonders! I also used it to tie the wings and legs together. I believe this is to help keep the moisture in, but I'm not entirely sure it serves a purpose. (It's just the proper thing to do. Legs always together, a lady reveals nothing...)

To get that crispy skin and moist meat - think of the chicken as a turkey. You want to brine it with the salt. Start by drizzling olive oil over to get a good slick base. Then take the sea salt and rub it all over and especially under the skin. I probably used about 1-1.5 tbsp worth to get a good coating. Keep in mind my truffle salt is also quite salty so I was careful not to overdo it. Then comes the pepper and herbs de Provence. Once the bird is evenly seasoned, place in the oven at 400F uncovered. After 45min (depending on your oven) I turned the broiler on to brown the skin for the last 15. Here is how mine turned out:

Now, hopefully you have some sort of idea how to carve this thing. Luckily I mastered my poultry carving skills in Brooklyn Thanksgiving '08 when no one else knew how to do it and I just had to "wing" the whole thing (har har). When in doubt, just follow the bones and wait for something to crack. If you literally have no idea, I guess just have at it with your bare hands. Like a natural-born-human.

Cauliflower Mash Ingredients:
1 head of cauliflower, chopped into big chunks
1 small red onion, diced
2 cloves of garlic
1/4 cup of parmesan cheese
2 tsp olive oil
salt + pepper to taste
Italian parsley and chives to garnish

 The trick to this mash is to not add any liquid. I made this mistake the first go-around and it was quite the disappointment. 

Begin with sauteeing the diced red onion, garlic and cauliflower together in a frying pan. After the onions brown a bit and the cauliflower absorbs some of the garlic flavor, add a small amount of water into the pan cover and let the cauliflower steam. Be sure not to overcook the cauliflower otherwise it will be too soggy. I prefer a chunky mash to a puddle of mash. When the cauliflower is cooked to your liking, add all contents of the pan into the food processor. Add the parmesan and pulse until the chunks of cauliflower are no more. Through your little hole in the lid (the feeder tube?) add the olive oil slowly until you get the consistency you desire. Add salt + pepper to taste and garnish with parsley and chives. BOOM.